I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
