Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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