I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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