its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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