hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
