Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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