glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
