How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
