my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to cum in my sink.
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