i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
