I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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