this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
