i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
