i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
