I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So. Much. Porn.
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