2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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