I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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