I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
