I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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