Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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