I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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