A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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