If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
