I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
