no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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