Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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