Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
