Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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