How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
