I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
