I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
