My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
