my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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