Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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