even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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