I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she woke up with a sticky ear
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think weed is turning my hair brown
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
