one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
