hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
