i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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