Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
