Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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