I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
