Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
