we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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