FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
