Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
