new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
