I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
