VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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