remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
