Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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